Soaring Wings

Fixing it

At some stage in most of our lives, sex will hit the skids for one reason or another. It can be difficult for both partners when this part of the relationship, which may usually be highly enjoyable, becomes a source of unhappiness or insecurity.

Instead of worrying about it or getting upset, take a positive, constructive approach. The situation provides an opportunity to take sexual intimacy with your partner to another level altogether.

Here are some tips on how to go about fixing your sex life:

Keep relating sexually

Most importantly, don’t stop having sex just because there are issues in this department. By avoiding sex, the problem can turn into a much bigger one. Keep having sex together and admit that there are issues you both need to resolve.

Accept that our sexual tastes change with time

What we enjoy when we first become sexually intimate with our partners may not be as exciting five or ten years down the line. We grow in our relationships and in our taste for sexual activities, so we need to allow room for this growth and change.

Tell your partner about your changing desires and needs in the bedroom, and ask about theirs. Then discuss accommodating them…and make it fun.

Improve your self-esteem

When we like and are happy with ourselves, we are more assertive and positive about asking for what we want, including in our sex lives. The stronger our self-esteem, the less likely there is to be an imbalance of power in our relationships, including our sex lives. Working on our self-esteem helps correct any power imbalances.

Stop the blame game

It can be destructive to blame either our partner or ourselves for the differences we experience in our sex lives. For instance, if you want sex more often than your partner, stop blaming him for not wanting sex ‘enough’ – and likewise, don’t blame yourself for not being ‘desirable enough’ for him.

Most couples have some sexual differences – it’s almost impossible to always have identical needs and wants as a couple. See it as an issue to work on together, as a way to enhance and deepen your relationship, rather than viewing it as your or your partner’s ‘problem’.

Let your hair down in the bedroom

Be yourself in and out of the bedroom. Let your partner see you being silly and letting go without always needing to look glamorous and in control. The more he sees you being down to earth, the more he will relax with you.

Look for a solution to your sex problems

Instead of focusing only on what you perceive as the problem, give it some thought when alone and see if you can come up with some potential solutions. Once you have your finger on what the issue is for you – for instance, if you find it more and more difficult to orgasm in sex with your partner – identify what you need or would like from him. And encourage him to do the same.

Then find a neutral time and space to discuss it, preferably away from the bedroom. Listen to each other’s views respectfully and agree to try what each other asks for.

Change your sex routine

A small but significant start you can make is to alter your usual sex routine. Simply by having sex in a different place – the shower or kitchen instead of always in your bedroom – can be a breath of fresh air and will go some way towards reviving a dull or routine sex life.

Enter our Kama Sutra competition!

Kamasutra

Win a copy of Tracey Cox’s 192-page Kama Sutra, a wonderfully erotic guide to more than 100 fantastic sex positions, taken from the original Kama Sutra and other ancient sexual texts. It is beautifully photographed in a modern setting and explains each position step by step plus what makes them great.

Click here to enter. Competition closes 25 August 2010.

* Ask away: Do you have any burning questions about sex that you’re too embarrassed to ask? Email them to info@ohzone.co.za.

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