Soaring Wings

STAYING ALIVE

By Oliver Intoate*

With the eventual setting of the rainy spring, the trees that stood bare, the weather so dry and dejected have simply returned to life. Leaves and beautiful flowers started to bloom out of the tree as though they were reborn.

Some people often claim that spring is the season of changes, high time to make big plans; in short, it is a season of life. JRR Tolkien had said: “You can leave them and in one year they will still find a way to surprise you…”.

Spring indeed is the season that gives life, we began to see the grass grow, the flowers opening to show us their true beautiful nature, birds making for themselves new nest for another new life.

With all these in mind, Lal is surfing Internet with his computer, listening to his favorite songs like yellow roses, nothing gonna change my life, baby I miss you etc. From time to time, he receives the vibrating and the sound of his mobile phone that indicates that he receives some sms and messages from Facebook.

His responsible sister would often warn him not to touch both mobile and computer and to stay away from computer as far as possible, waiting for the time when her loving sister is unaware, Lal would secretly open his mobile inbox, as expected, Lal could easily make out the sms’s sender that she is no other than the one he always dreams about and want to chat or stay with. “where r u now, what r u doing”?, is what it reads.

On seeing his secret lover online, Lal is filled with jumbled feeling of shy and excitement. He would reposition and starts concentrating on what to write, what words or sentence would be the best to convey all that in his heart. In fact, Lal is bleeding in love and chatting with Kimi over the internet would make his life so whole and blissful. He would often wonder when he can see his dream girl in true life.

Kimi on the other hand is a very innocent and beautiful girl. She is the kind John Keats would give her a remark like “Things of beauty is a joy forever”. “If anything, nature lasts forever and we mortals pass into nothingness or as he puts it ‘hope of resurrection’! Whatever ‘man-made beauty’ means is beyond the moon and over the horizon!” Michael Pruchnicki. There could have been no more appropriate sentence or words to describe Kimi’s beauty and her innocence. From all the posts she has made so far at the Facebook, you can make out the kind of heart Kimi encompasses; she is willing to respond kindly to any query or question put forward to her. The post she makes is always something about love, concern and care that reveal the very true nature of her. Her beauty and her mind are like river that can wash away the past. That can make worst memories disappear and return the other new bright one. That can take away the sorrow and bring new joy and hope.

Lal’s feeling for Kimi is something like he loses any belief of his own worthiness. When could he be comfortably sitting next to her without the worrying of some other people interferences between them? Lal thought to himself ‘Will she be willingly to respond kindly to the things that may fall from his unworthy lips?’. As though made dumb by an Angel, Lal sits silently in front of his computer screen reading intently the welcoming message posted by Kimi on the other side of the world. He loses all his power either to think or write, he could only helplessly and painfully draws invisible patterns on his computer’s table and time and again takes unnecessary sips of water from the disposable bottle.

Lal tries to take courage and love forces him to look at himself as though through Kimi’s imagined eyes. ‘Who would I become to please Kimi, the very soul mate that I would meet only once in my life time?’. He is sure that he doesn’t tell a simple lie, when he simply struggles to expect everything he believes she may want to read.

“How have you been doing, are you bored chatting with me?” Lal asks her.

“I really don’t feel bore chatting with you, you are too honest with me”. She writes back.

“How long you want to chat with me?’ Lal asks again.

“I really don’t mind so long as you feel like to chatting with me” she continues. “Either way is fine with me”.

As the chat goes on, there seems to be nothing more to say for Lal, Kimi has been in his mind for too long, but the very feeling that at that moment he can not share with her. It is the anticipation of when he hopes to see all his dreams, deepest wishes and desires to come true that his only hope may disappear when revealing his plan. Like a morning it can change your whole day either to a burning hell or to a paradise dream. Marquise de Merteuil points out Vicomte de Valmont’s mistake for writing letters that are too perfect, too logical to be the words of a true lover, whose thoughts will be disjointed and for whom the fine phrase will always dodge. True love or real desire lacks fluency or clarity. But for Lal, how willingly he would have the ability to write like William Shakespeare, John Keats and the like.

Yet, Lal has to know the true feeling of Kimi, he could not possibly leave his true self unless he knows how to act deceitfully. But the feeling and intelligence call for to make out someone else goes far beyond the capacity of nervous and lovesick mind. Lal becomes so inquisitive and restless, he doesn’t bother to apply the care of a novelist to win the delicacy of human nature. He stumbles with interview-like questions; What do you like to read? Do you like the way you live? Besides such foolish questions, Lal attempts to get to the most direct question of all, ‘Who are you, do you love me?”

However, Lal seems to go further from knowing Kimi more, his directness is a total failure and the more he practises it, the more his subject escapes through the thin air, letting him know what book she reads and music she likes, but not letting him know as to who she may really be.

*About the author: Mr Intoate is a regular guest writer for Mizoramexpress.com from Imphal, Manipur.