Soaring Wings

Age and childbirth: Something to worry about?

ALL4WOMEN: You are having a baby at an age when most folks start dreaming of theirs moving out to adult lives…or maybe you are only thinking of it, dreaming of finally having a first child, or of allowing yourself an additional kid - one last one for the road.

Whatever your situation, if you are thinking about having or adopting a child in later life, you need to look at the pros and cons of being an older mom.

The pros are obvious – more established, more money, more relaxed

The pros are obvious: you are more likely to be established in life, professionally, financially, and geographically.

If you have parented before you have the experience to bring to this new child - no panics over diaper rash or mild colds, no surprise at the first bad grade on a report card: the experienced parent knows what evil lurks in the hearts and minds of toddlers and takes it all in stride.

Your child will benefit from the calm confidence of mature adulthood

Even if you have not parented, you and your child will benefit from the calm confidence of mature adulthood.  A child of your older years is no less precious than one born in your first maturity – perhaps more.  The marvel of a new life, the treasure of watching a child grow has a beauty when you are older that cannot be easily matched.

There are cons, however - emotional, physical, and financial

If you give birth to a child of your own in your later years your child runs higher risks of a number of birth defects and disabilities, the most common being Down Syndrome ( starting at a 1 in 1,000 risk at 30 years old to 1 in 4 risk at 49).  Miscarriages are more common, infertility problems more common still.

Adoption is an option

High blood pressure during pregnancy, and pregnancy related diabetes is more likely in an older mother than a younger.  If you are not comfortable dealing with these issues, or simply wish to adopt, that option is open - but be prepared for a long wait, and consider carefully if you are ready to open your life, your home, and your finances to examination.

Decide whether you want to sacrifice personal time and energy at this point in your life

No matter whether you have a child of your own genetic line, or adopt a child, you will be adding a new life to your household at the point in your life where you may be in need of more personal time, less exhaustion, fewer emotional hurricanes crashing through the peace of your days.

Just because you are an older, more mature parent does not mean you will be granted an old-soul, emotionally mature child.

In the years where you might need desperately to concentrate on the culmination of your career, the plans for your retirement, and the first signs of age-associated health problems you might also be having to cope with a child taking the car out without permission, your best blouse filched from your closet by a daughter who thinks it looks great with her jeans, or a call from the principal of your child’s school.

These are all blessings, and curses.  Whether a child proves to be a treasure to you in your age or a catastrophe will depend largely on the precision of your thoughts ahead of time - and the courage, flexibility, and optimism of your heart.

A child is never a good choice for the weary, the unwilling, or the indifferent

A child granted to those who are ready for the turmoil of parenting, though, can be a gift beyond reckoning, adding a sense of fulfillment that goes beyond a simple tally of the pros and cons of being an older mom.